你如何知道你是否真正找到了你爱的人？

How do you know if you've found “the one”?

你如何知道你是否真正找到了你爱的人？

This is advice I gave a younger person who said she knew she wanted to marry her boyfriend because she "loved him."

She thought that being "in love" meant she had found "the one."

这是我给一个比我年轻的人的一个建议——她告诉我她想嫁给她的男朋友，因为她深爱着他。

她认为拥有着一段感情就代表着她已经找到了那个人。

Are you a loving person?

Because loving people are capable of loving lots of people in their lifetimes.

You are likely to find many people pleasant, agreeable, exciting, and enjoyable.

That doesn't mean you need to marryany of these people.

你是一个热爱生活的人吗？因为热爱着生活的人更能在他们的生活中爱上很多的人。

你会发现很多人给人的感觉都是令人愉快的。而这并不意味着你要和其中的任何人结婚。

At some point, you may find yourself loving a person who is particularly compatible with you.

You find your ways of thinking work well together.

You have similar values in life.

You have similar goals for your future.
在有些时候，你也许会发现你在爱着一个跟你性情比较相近的一个人。

你会发现你们的思维在一起很是适应。

你们在生活当中共享着相似的价值观、甚至是相似的人生目标。

Congratulations! You have found a potential life-mate.
not "theone" by any means, but a really goodone.

那么恭喜你，你已经找到了一个“潜在的"生活伴侣。

虽然不一定就是这一个人，但这一个确实是一个很好的选择。

Does that person feel the same way?
Do you both display equal commitment to long-term relationships?
Does your history together cover a wide range of experiences?
Do you have a realistic idea of life together?
now you have a decision to make.

那么那个人也是这么想的吗？

你们都表达了想要保持长久关系的愿望了吗？

你们在一起的时光有占据着过去时间的很大一段空间吗？

你有考虑过一块生活的现实的设想吗？

现在你要做一个选择。

 
Many people phrase their decision-making like this:
"This must be the right choice because I'll never find anyone else as ____ (good, special, wonderful) as this again."
oR
"This must be the right choice because I've never found
anyone else as ____ (good, special, wonderful) as this before."

很多人这样叙述他们的决策：
这肯定会是一个正确的决定，因为我不会再遇到一个像这位一样优秀/有特点/让人称赞的人了。
或者是

这肯定会是一个正确的决定，因为我以前从没有遇到一个像这位一样优秀/有特点/让人称赞的人。

Statements like this are setting you up for disappointment!
 Instead, consider this:
     You're likely to find other people to love.
     You're likely to be compatible with some of them.
     Some of them will possibly hold even greater potential than the person you are with now.

这样的想法注定会让你失望的。

你应该这样想：
    你也许会找到另一个你爱的人
    你也许会和另外一些人也合得来

    另外的一些人也许会拥有着比眼前这个人更大的潜力

Ask this question instead:
 is your current relationship good enough that you are willing to take a pass on all future "potentially better" loves?

想一下这个问题：你此时的感情是不是足够的好、以至于你愿意用以后所有的”潜在的、更好的“爱情来交换？

Take some time to think about this.

Rest on it, pray, meditate.

Picture eating breakfast with that face (aging, sagging, wrinkling) across the table for the rest of your life.

在这个问题上花一些时间。在这里稍作停顿，祈祷、沉思。

想象这样一个和画面：在余下的生活里和这样的一张面庞一起吃早餐的景象。

If the answer is still a solid "yes!" then go for it.

But if you have niggling doubts . . . give it more time.

如果答案仍然是一个坚定的”YES“，那么就去吧。
但是如果你还不确定....那么再给你的选择一些时间吧。